The Self-Indulgent Ponzi Scheme: Twenty-Five Things

Enough with the “twenty-five things” requests!

If you’ve been sent this link by me either you’ve tagged me in this blog-meme and wanted me to write something, or perhaps you’re someone who I think will find some of this funny, interesting, or flame-bait. I shall try and fire-break this worldwide share-fest and say you do not need to tell twenty-five other people to write twenty-five other things. Stop the self-indulgent Ponzi scheme!

1. Despite my usually monochromatic dress-code, I do own some colourful clothes. I’m sure I’ve still got that pair of purple socks somewhere…
2. I know that I’m the luckiest person in the world because I love my job. I imagine I’ll still enjoy next month when I’ll be working 80-120 hours per week. Every year is the same, and so it’s called “Mad March”.
3. Another big love in my life is music: listening, writing, playing, and being involved with the musical scene. I even made a New Year’s Resolution about it.
4. I’m pretty good at keeping my New Year’s Resolutions.
5. The word Fælix has a complex etymology: felix meaning “lucky” in Latin, fey meaning doomed, able to see into the future, marked by an otherworldly air or attitude, crazy, excessively refined, quaintly unconventional; fae meaning a mythological being or legendary creature, a form of spirit, often described as metaphysical, supernatural or preternatural; li to suggest Linux; ix to suggest internet exchange. It is meant to be pronounced FAY-licks, though I’ve stopped correcting people’s pronunciation FEE-licks.
6. I’m rue the day that I didn’t learn the International Phonetic Alphabet so I could write the pronunciation in a more technically-correct fashion; I secretly hope that I have a knowledgeable blog-reader who may contribute their IPA-fu to resolve this omission.
7. Between speaking English and speaking baby-words I could only speak Polish. There was a time when I didn’t know the English for “penknife” but knew the Polish word instead. While a lot of my Polish has stayed with me, today I only remember the English for “penknife”.
8. Apparently I speak French very well. At least, for an Englishman who works in IT. A guy in the laundrette told me, so it must be true.
9. I don’t subscribe to the philosophy of, “if you’re not proving it then I’m not buying it.” I can suspend my disbelief, but I reserve the right to then switch on my logic-neurons again.
10. While I am something of a humanist (though wouldn’t really label myself as such), and my own beliefs are quite atheist, after the initial amusement where I believed it to be a practical joke involving Photoshop I found the Atheist Bus Campaign to be a gods-awful idea. The evangelism of atheism is starting to turn it from a belief into a faith; that is something to which one belongs rather than something which one has.
11. I deliberately used the phrase “gods-awful” because I acknowledge that while creationism is logically quite a far-fetched story for the beginnings of the Universe, it seems to me that it is impossible to prove that there wasn’t a Creator behind the Big Bang (and equally impossible to prove that there was). In my idioglossia the word “god” means something closer to “Theory of the Universe” rather than the more usual usage where it means “deity to be worshipped”. To me “deist creationism” is a god, and “science” — somewhat heretically — is a god.
12. My perversion of the meaning of the word “god” means I am a sort of monolatrist: I acknowledge that there are other possibilities but I go about my day-to-day life assuming that the Universe does not and can not care about me; that is to say there is no “Guy in the Sky” who is watching over me to keep me safe; that there is no deity to blame when blind probability screws with my life.
13. The Universe is a very big place, and sometimes I like to try imagining how big it is. This makes a welcome change from thinking about quite how small the world is (that is the world in which I revolve, not the Earth which revolves around the Sun). I do try to expand my world through my work, my hobbies, my acquaintances, my family, my friends and my paramours.
14. I use the word “paramour” to conjure the more literal meaning, “for the love”. While I can’t possibly say what “love” is, and won’t even begin to try to enumerate the different types of love in my relationships (let alone those that are possible), it is an essential ingredient of my relationship with family members, friends, and those people for whom the words “close friend” just doesn’t seem right: paramours.
15. I am wryly smiling to myself wondering how many readers’ minds might now be leaning towards the fascinating subject of sexuality. I am also amused that so many people are prepared to write twenty-five things about themselves but stringing the letters “s”, “e” and “x” together is strictly taboo. Heavens above, future employers might be reading the Internets!
16. When I have been recruiting staff in my other jobs I have scoured the Blagosphere for the applicants. I have typed the names of my interview shortlist into Google. I’ve never found anything exciting, not even as innocuous as a drunken mailing-list post or a blog entry ranting about a personal life. One extreme would be if I were to find someone on the leaked BNP membership list; the best candidate would have a lot of explaining to do. The other extreme would be to find something deeply personal, taboo, or weird; so long as it doesn’t affect their ability to do the job then it’s none of my business as an employer. It’s therefore unlikely that I would care if you post to a pro-life forum, if you’re a furry, or if you support Manchester United. If you post something online, your employer will see it… just like everybody else!
17. I am unique, just like everybody else. Everybody is a snowflake (gods, that combination of words makes me want to stick my fingers down my throat and let my stomach wretch like my brain just did). Everyone is subtly different, but ultimately made of the same stuff. I find it quite thoroughly enjoyable to have a proper, no-holds-barred conversation with someone and explore those differences of opinion, of philosophy, of belief, of life structure, of life meaning, et cetera.
18. I know the meaning of life. I’ll even tell it to you, but it’s probably not worth anything to you.
19. I do think my conversational style is a little awkward at first as I try and gauge someone for the first time, but after that hysteresis I will probably talk for hours. I guess I am the “quiet type” until you get me started.
20. My emails can become epics. If a train of thought begins and I have a spare half hour, I will type until your email box is full. I think that’s what happened with this “twenty-five things” malarkey, and knowing it would be a time-sink is probably why I avoided writing one for so long. I hope you’ve enjoyed it so far, and would like to you know that you’re about 90% complete. Just remember that first 90% takes the first 90% of the time; the last 10% takes another 90% of the time.
21. When I started this I did wonder whether to write pointless drivel along the lines of, “Marek is a third-level arch-mage in the Fnarfnar of Spoo”); trolling with “shocking revelations” (I have a list of wacky suggestions of fake revelations along these lines in emails with my sister, but coming out as a bi-curious polyamorous hedonist would likely offend a significant fraction of those who are close to me, so I’ll use that as an example); go completely surrealist and suggest that I have a pet lobster à la Erik Satie; write about the little things (“my favourite colour is…”); blah, blah, blah. So far I seem to have instead ended up with too much philosophy, and not enough ranting. At least everything in this post is the truth (except for a bit of troll-bait).
22. My stream of consciousness has disappeared into a pothole now. I think it’s time for breakfast. Breakfast is the first meal of the day, no matter when you eat it. Some days I only eat one meal, and it’s still called breakfast. Additionally, I don’t like the idea of potholing. I think this fear stems from Alan Garner’s Weirdstone of Brisingamen. Must resurrect blood-sugar levels and get back to work now! Sprint for the finish-line…
23. Twenty-three is a special number in Discordianism, but although I feel my life is ruled a little by chaos — just like a Timelord’s should be — I don’t really subscribe to the religion-that-is-a-joke-that-is-a-religion. If you feel like posting your own twenty-five things, declare yourself what you wish, do what you like, and tell us about it, or, if you prefer, don’t. Hail Eris!
24. I use the Oxford comma a lot more than I used to; it goes well with my semicolon fetish.
25. Sometimes I work in base-16, so I’ve written 0x25 things. I can count, but like most things in my life, I don’t see why I have to do it the same way as everyone else. Just be glad I didn’t read the number 25 in negadecimal: you’d have been writing fifteen things to me!
26. My MBTI personality is INTP. Telling my something is impossible is likely (but not guaranteed) to trigger my brain into thinking of a way it can be possible. Worse is if you tell me something “should not” be done because of some stupid protocol; for example the Head of Science at my secondary school telling me, “Do not apply to Clare College!” If you have a mad stunt planned — say, tight-rope walking between the Twin Towers — and they tell you that it is “impossible” I’m the friend you should call.
27. There are some impossible things that I acknowledge are beyond anybody’s ability, for example, those constructs that mathematics can prove to be impossible. Everything else is just very difficult. Solving climate change isn’t impossible, and I don’t believe the science on the matter. It might be beyond the political and social will of the six billion crew of Spaceship Earth, but I don’t believe in giving up so easily!
28. I care about ethical matters. The ecology and green issues aren’t the only ethical debate, even though they are popularised as the most important such as the imagery of the Observer’s Ethical Awards in 2009. I believe our ethical impact is so important that I try to make my business as ethical as possible, and continue to find ways to make it do better.
29. While I care about green matters — and try to do more than my fair share — I still travel around mostly by car. This is mainly on account of my impossible work/life schedule and providing on-call support. I do travel abroad, but I don’t fly. I’ve never enjoyed flying, developed an irrational fear of it in my mid-teens, and haven’t been on a plane since. This doesn’t inconvenience me and is of some tiny benefit for the environment.
30. My personal eco-credentials aren’t enough to label me as a hippy, eco-warrior or anything like that. I don’t really label myself as “goth” (despite wearing black), “rocker” (despite owning four guitars), “metaller” (despite having long hair), or “geek” (despite being an IT professional in Manchester. I might call myself a Mancunian, but I’ll also refer to myself as English and Polish depending on occasion, and I might even occasionally call myself Morzinois. I don’t tend to label myself, even though I might be wearing one given the social context. Labels are a good simplification, but I’d rather get to know someone a little better than think of their personality as a sort of tag cloud.
31. Others who have completed this exercise have the following to say about themselves:

    I am vegetarian but occasionally eat chicken — Jen

    I try to be an ethical omnivore, but pressures have made me slip on this a little. Shall have to do better!

    I wish people smiled more in their online photos, instead of pouting, gurning and trying to look aloof — Anita

    Cameras have a magical ability to capture someone’s expression at the worst possible moment.

    I’m secretly quite pleased about the credit crunch/recession – hopefully people will stop being so selfish and materialistic and remember what actually is of value — Justine

    While the recession is causing a lot of pain for a lot of people a part of me strongly agrees.

    What did you watch last night? nothing last night — SM

    I really should re-connect my television: it’s been a year.

    My favourite instrument to listen to is the piano — Manda

    I’m guilty of not playing mine for a month. It’s going to be April before I get a good chance to, and Bedlam is also screaming at me to play with her. Argh!

    people think I’m strange and I don’t really care — Dave

    I am strange and people don’t think I really care!

32. On Facebook I’m listed as being in an open relationship with Bedlam Ibanez. Yes, Bedlam is one of my guitars. No, I do not engage in paraphilia. Relationships sometimes come and go, but I’m very unlikely to fall out of love with my longest-standing hobby. I don’t want to list myself as “single” or splatter a social notworking website with hook-ups and break-ups. It was weird enough being contacted out of the blue by friends who had heard about a break-up through one of these status updates. Listen up, people: stop taking things — especially my Facebook relationship status — so seriously!
33. Relationships come and go, and yet those of my age group all seem to be looking for “The One”; the person they’ll spend the rest of their lives with. I’ve only ever looked for “The One That’s Right For Now” with a view to seeing what happens in future. I don’t believe in the fanfare of angels. Logical though this seems to me, I find myself not only in the minority but being told I have the wrong approach.
34. I tried Internet dating for about six months in 2008. I made a friend, a very good friend, was stood up more times than I care to remember, and in the end became quite disillusioned with the process. I felt Internet dating dehumanised a process which is so utterly individual that dating nearly acquired a taint. I understand the need for personal safety, but unless you’re prepared to meet people they’re going to remain a few pixels on a screen. Attraction is so much more complex than “winks” and “chats” across TCP/IP.
35. Personality and intelligence, humour and attitude tend to be the most important attributes in those I find “attractive”. Physical things about other people that I have found attractive include: their skin, their hands, their voice. It seems to me that a lot of people find eyes and smiles to be the “most attractive feature” in others, but I don’t tend to look into someone’s eyes (or even at their face) when I talk to them. There’s a link to subconscious non-verbal communication cues here, but if I start typing about that I’ll be here all day.
36. When talking I often pause for a moment to construct a sentence in my mind before speaking. A little extra thought in communication goes a long way: I try to convey my meaning precisely and with consideration. This isn’t because I’m trying to hide something from you.
37. Also I try very hard to carefully structure my sentences so as to not over-use a word, to not split infinitives, and also I go through semantic convolutions so as to not end any sentences with a preposition because prepositions just don’t belong there!