I enjoy helping old ladies to cross roads, donating huge sums of money to charity and mending little bird’s broken wings. Unfortunately I never get round to doing any of this as I spend far too much time mainlining heroin and beating up small children.
a dating profile found on match.com (approved by the moderators one moment, deleted the next)
“Why does the handsome prince in a fairytale never suffer a grisly end, whilst the women get pricked by spindles, gobbled by wolves, poisoned by apples and plonked into barrels full of venemous snakes, worms and toads, often for being too curious!
“Pretty gruesome stuff, yet ironically these are the original tales for children that became sanitised and put into our lady bird books!
You need wellingtons to walk around Manchester. The whole place smells of beer, sweat, testosterone, and the delicate hues of piss and vomit are starting to fragrance the air.
personal email, describing the state of Manchester city centre the afternoon before the UEFA Cup Final
